It’s James (Dad) here! When your twins arrive, you may find that you and your partner encounter differing opinions on how to parent. This can often lead to arguments – especially in the early days when you are both ravaged by sleep deprivation. So how do you get on the same page?
This article is aimed at Dads to help with that issue, and to provide an insight into the experience I had.
Taking the lead
As I’ve stated previously, I believe a relationship is a 50:50 deal for everything; money, chores, etc. So logically, I always assumed that would definitely apply to all aspects of parenting!
It was about 3 months into having our twins that I realised there was an issue. Whilst I was putting 50% of the effort into looking after our twins, I became aware that when it came to making decisions about our twins…. I sucked! Not because I’m an awful Dad or anything. Simply put, Amy (Mum) had a much better ‘read’ on what our twins needed.
So what happened? I trusted Mum.
Whilst my intentions were always good, in the end I was just making decision making more complicated. You’ll have times when your twins are screaming non-stop, are unwell, are teething, or any number of things and a decision is required and somebody needs to take the lead. So I chose to let Amy take the lead, and I’d back her up.
Why trust mum?
Our situation may not be true for all twin parents. If I had felt I had a better ‘read’ on our twin girls, I would have taken then lead. However, I do feel that Mum’s in general, may have instincts that Dad’s do not.
Whilst I believe in equality, nature still rules men and women differently. To that end, I feel that Amy’s ability to make the right decision for our twins often falls to natural maternal instincts.
Not an excuse
All of this article is not an excuse for being lazy or shirking your responsibilities as a parent! (article: Dad is not pulling his weight) As Dad you have an equal share of the workload. The point of this article is to identify
The point of this article is to highlight that maybe it’s a case of ‘too many cooks’, and that letting one parent take the lead with the decisions may make for a better dynamic.
Support and advise
I never thought this would actually be our setup! I always assumed we would be 50:50 in all the decisions regarding the twins. However, your twins are always priority. So whether it’s how you wanted things or not, it’s best to go with the option that most benefits your twins.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, then my advice would be this; support mum every step of the way. Advise, suggest and support her decisions completely. Taking the lead doesn’t mean she doesn’t need your help, if anything, she needs it more than ever!
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